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Hello!~
干嘛?又心情不好了啊?
No, actually im feeling happy today...

那就告诉我为甚么心情那么好吧。
Tonite was unusual, i went Orchard Tower, unlike being bored at home, gaming & gaming...

好啊，那有甚么收货呢?
In fact, nothing much... the sence was wat i expected it to be... but i recaptured some of the moments when i can walk & dance to the music some years back... haiz...

干嘛呢?又情绪化了呀?
Nah, im fine, frankly speaking, im happy that they forced me to go, at least i know i have the courage to make the first step to be out there... im going to St James one day i tell u...

很好很好，那就对了嘛。过去让它过去，别老时把事物想象成那么遭，尽敢往前大踏一步，或许一切会如愿以偿。
Maybe u r rite... i shall try again... but i still find something amiss leh...

那甚么东西不见了呢?
aiya, i also duno la, if i know i also wun be here liao la... tok some other times ba, hope i dun see u soon, im gonna sleep now...

唯!你又干嘛呢?
Zzzz...Zzzz...Zzzz...

27th

喜怒哀乐，酸甜苦辣。。。
我相信我人生已经一一尝试过了，相信收获的许多，失去的更多。。。至到如今一直自问自己，接下来的遭遇又是如何。。。
昨天是我的生日，很庆幸的是还有许多好友记得，一一发短信，有的还到家为我庆祝 ； 送礼物，谢谢你们! 时间匆匆不留人，转眼间，以是我第二年坐下来庆祝了。 说着说着，眼泪也不受控制留了下来。。。接下来，过了圣诞节又要面对农历新年这几个大日子，好闷好闷。
生日愿望 : 我希望我身边每一个人都和我一样开心 ； 有你们就会有我。。。再次谢谢你们!

Rain

Recently so many things haf happened ; feeling lost again but was picked up... shagginess even after long rest, sadness after laughters, betrayal for their own gains... wat else? life is indeed unexpecting... i guess this morning, the rain inspire mi to blog after so long...
was a cooling weather ; n i guess all those who haf to wake up early in the morning to work surely haf the urge to get back to their cozy beds... but im different ; i wasnt really gaming all the while, in fact was enjoying the breeze & coldness throughout the lonely nite... i dun wish to sleep, i dun wan any dreams, perhaps i was afraid, or maybe i was really tired, really really sick, sick of living anymore... reluctant to open my eyes to face another sunshine ; was bored doing the same old shits everyday... i dun wish to see another tomorrow... right now i can feel my eye lips getting heavier but struggled on... wat am i trying to do? life is a letdown...

-30.10.07

=)

Nothing big really happened... nbz, recently had a great fall while sleeping on my chair, damn it... but was encouraged " its only a stoppage in yr life ; one day, u will get up yourself... " thx, peeps...
wat im going through right now seems like yesterday ; trip, fall n stand up again & again & again... was wondering how much such things gonna repeat itself... sometimes feeling devastated yet determined to try all over again... pondering over wats the true meaning of all those mishaps & misfortune... will there be rainbow after the rain? some say life is like a bed of roses but i simply cant find satisfactions & directions right now... can contentment really ease all those temptations in life? then why are humans so greedy? thinking back, where are those who can lend a helping hand? why are humans so selfish & self-centred?
i was constantly reminding myself ; not to trust anyone easily... " your best friend could be your worst enemy... " im beginning to sense some defects in friendship ; bonds are breaking apart... sad but wat can i do... haizzz...

-19.09.07

Misses

once again i miss u, bro.. feeling i haf so much to share wif u... was wondering how fun it will be if u join mi at kbox... take care inside... im waiting for u...

-07.09.07

sgh

admitted coz of bad sores...
i love my nurses & i know my nurses love me too ; haha, they allowed me to smoke in the ward...

-01.09.07

??

i was tired all out of a sudden, but unexpectedly i was awaken by some unknown feelings in my mind... my nurses asked if it was fear, i knew it was not... was it grief tat my frenz passed away this morning in a traffic accident? i duno exactly wat happened but i feel a sense of loss ; i feel tat i missed out a lot in my life... its not regrets i know... but wat was actually install for me at the end of the day?

-29.08.07

21st Aug

From today onwards... everything shall change...
cousin, im very sad & disappointing today... i start missing u even for the 1st day... u always be here to bring me out when im bored, when im feeling down ; i miss our conversations... i know its hard in there & i shall share yr hardships outside here with u... awaiting 19th Nov...

-21.08.07

i, myself & me

i felt so different at first but my frenz say im unique, im special... so im trying to be the same but i guess i couldn't be... i know i have no right to choose ; but i think i am what i am ; perharps i change physically... im sad... dun lift me up & throw me down ; its painful... but i'll carry on & i believe im always " on my own... " tough but determined... if u dun feel worthwhile ; ur simply worthless...

-28.08.07

Kbox

11th Aug, finally i boost up my courage to meet up with dota friends after like few months of dota-ing with them ; it wasnt easy coz there were like a few of them, well.. i made it... im glad they haf like their fun singing, drinking n carrying the Hero corpse (SOMEGAY) around the kbox... anyway, this Zero is on banlist... thx to those who attended this outing...

-12.08.07

bread

so hungry at this point of time, i went out to the kitchen, hunting for some food... lazy to cook, i found some breads lying on the table... searching high & low for something to go with ; i remembered there is some hams left, duno where it has been placed... i looked at the frozen hotdogs & fillets, thinking of frying them... couldnt hold the wok well so i decided maybe i should drop this idea & try get some jams butter instead... well, its only chilli & ketchup i saw in the fridge... but i saw condensed milk but eeeek, i dun like milk... forget it~~
how nice if carol is awake at this point of time to cook me something, i was wondering...
thinking back the times when i used to cook for myself at night, somehow or rather i find myself so useless... its like i never been able to do anything like that again... i pity myself...
feeling depressed n down, i wheeled off with only a plain slice of bread in my mouth... i guess its just enough to ease my hunger...
" everyday feels the same for me... i sleep for the sake of resting ; i eat for the sake of eating... i cant even feel that im tired or hungry... im just like a living zombie... "

-03.06.07

love

how do love exists? how many got married? how many of u all out there still remember how u pick up your present gf? im sure all of u can recall after some recollecting... but how did things in between goes? how do the love build up ; how do things end? till now, how many cherished their relationships ; how many still fool around? anyone misses the pasts? how about let's treasure wat we have now...
congrats to my bro, alex & jasmine, being his 1st relationship i know, i hope everything goes well for him... u have my blessings, bro...
recently, there have been many love cases forwarded to me, shall i say all their problems have been all around me & that i was ignorant about them? well... im like a consultant to them now... names not gonna be mentioned, i got frenz who stayed together because of companionship ; another worrying about wats gonna happen this weekend... some even asked how to woo gals, lols... on the other side, i got 2 frenz, both getting married on 2nd June' 07 ; another engagement getting on around Sept... & got another couple planning their marriage 2 years later... *envious*
some say i have found it... seriously, i cant foresee my love... i cant even see myself down the road even for another year... i duno wats gonna happen to me... it seems like afterall, im gonna be left all alone in this world... i guess it should be scary being abandoned... wouldnt it be better if i just died in that accident, i will be alone anyway...
" those who cant stay. let them fly ; let only the sweet memory remains... "

-29.05.07

SHE

this is a special page for this special person in my life, who told me she has never stop missing me, who never stop giving up on me...
seriously, wat is love? how many people seen true love? how many of u been through it? there is this special gal in my life whom i never stop thinking of since she visited me the first time in the hospital... we din tok much, din really exchange glances cos im afraid... yes, i hurt her too much, times & again ; i was a selfish bastard... nothing can make up for wat she has lost, the time she has wasted on me... despite what i am now, i cant imagine she is still encouraging me, still moving me on in my life... i wonder sometimes ; do things like that happened to me so that she will come back again... or is it karma ; is she back to laugh at me? sometimes i feel that things really happened for a reason... wat comes around goes around ; u might haf gained something but instantly u will lose something... this is how the world works i guess...
to be frank, after wat happened to me, there is no one who really spend their time on me, not to say my dearest kins whom i dote on, my closest frenz whom we usually hang around with, practically, there is no one... i was kinda sad & disappointed till she reappeared in my life again... i couldn't feel her when she was around with me in the past... now when she say she will be visiting me, i was always soooo looking forward for her arrival... i like her to buy me food & eat together, i like to watch dvds with her, i like to do everything wif her, even merely chatting... i guess there are nothing much i should ask for anymore ; i haf met my contentment... thx for spending yr precious time with me ; thanks for making me on cloud nines everytime ; thanks for gifing me a chance to befriend u once again... i understand there is a limitation to everything, let's hold our limit, till one day GOD will rule whether im worthy of yr love again...

ning, thanks for being such wonderful may it be love or out of pity, u are really appreciated... i love u~~

-20.04.07

Feeling Different

things will get so different when i wake up tomorrow... its gonna be another stage of my handicapped life...
tml i will need to go for an operation... this op is gonna change my life ; its gonna make lots of people look at me, definitely...
my right leg haf been swelling for some months, for those frenz who noticed it... GOD damn, the swelling is not going down... blood clotting & there's no way to make it look better... there is only a way out ; doctor wants my leg to be amputated... im not sad or wat, coz i noe i brought everything upon myself ; i deserved wats happening to me now... so people out there, dun feel anything for me... just hoping u guys wun start despising me the next time u see me... anyway, i think i will not be meeting anyone of u all... if u people are trying to put yourself in my shoe now, i guess its really impossible for u all to understand how are things gonna be for me in my later part of my life... well, i myself cant imagine it too, perhaps some time down the road, i might juz end my life and pass on my life to GOD which i think it might be an easier way out... dun be sad when im gone... will surely bless and misses those who even bypass my life... and im sure Zenn's beautiful memory surely lies in u all... anyway, i love those who try to understand me, who is still willing to stand by me, especially those who read my blog... i simply love all of u, <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">xie2 ni men
u know why i love u people?? coz u guys are simple too cute, i really love all of u!!! Happy April's Fool... haha...
why?? i noe it's over... forget la, cannot meh? birthday can belated, april's fool cannot belated ar?? boooo...

-03.04.07

Am i drunk

cant rem when was the last time i was drunk...
drinking haf always been my satisfactory thing in my life coz i can drink alot, & i enjoy seeing those who cant drink DRUNK... tonite, i went drinking wif my cousin, tianlai, ben & a few of his frenz... i was pretty hapi coz in another corner of my life, i knew there is someone who is as happy as me; yes its U...
sometimes i feel i think too highly of myself, indeed i did... i myself get pretty high but i din stop to jio other people to drink... hahaha, every1 was drunk, i guess... tonite was pretty fun, i love those who haf been around wif mi ; i love those who drink wif me... XIE2...
drinking haf been so much fun ; so much joy, wif whoever around... but tonite, i sense " worriness... " sweet memories flow in ; sadness popped out... i was unhappy ; i was waiting for yr sms throughout the nite... i've been thinking, " where were u? " " are u alrite? " i kept denying tat i was thinking of u all nite... i felt loneliness ; i felt lost all nite... but i was laughing all nite thinking to myself, " who am i to think of u?? " " who am i to really miss u?? " HAHAHA!!~~ i sent a prayer to GOD instantly, i make sure u r fine, thanks GOD, Amen~~
love has got wat it takes ; love has got wat it should be... i thank GOD for the strength & power HE has given me, to keep me alive ; to understand LOVE & to forgive wat i've done... perhaps i think too much, thank GOD again for the peace u haf set upon me...

-02.04.07