thanks for being there...

i believed everyone asked themselves wat they gonna be when they grow up... i recalled this particular question when i was idling just now but now i feel im a good for nothing...
when u are in your teens u got some u feel u called real " brothers... ", no blood link though... some hokkien pai kia called them " hia ti kia " ; closer than " brothers " , they called them " kek bai " or " hua tia... " and the person they respect they called them " tao eh ; tua eh " and the older version of pai kia we called them " lao eh "and of cos... if u got girlfriend, brothers dun call yr girlfriend just gf ; they called her " siao eh " when u are in camp, the person who give u off is yr " Sir " and normally the ones who fucked u most are yr " sergeants... " u nag and nag and complained around and the one who really listen to you could just be the one whom we called " buddy... " the black sheeps among us we named them " sabo kia... " soldiers who keep reporting sick ; they are the " chao keng kia " u met backstabber, right? they are the " lanjiao kia " when u abandoned your " brothers " or " buddy " and go out with girls, rightfully u will be named " chee hong kia " well, any point of this time, when u met into any big troubles, no one will be around for you ; u can only be the " solo kia... "
till today i only came to know, u only meet your real friend when u gets close to age of 30, maybe a couple ; one or two ; or maybe u meet none... and this type of friend we got no special terms for them, we barely just name them " friend..."
u might not be my real blood brother, u might not be the best friend... but thanks for being a bad nice friend...

GA = Guardian Angel

its getting bored for my life ; nothing at all makes me feel like i need to go on...
i have been thinking and i still think all the things happening to be had to happen to me ; an invisible force pushing me on ; like an Angel by my side... but well, anyway so far, i feel im still blessed...
u guys have Guardian Angel? well, maybe u feel u dun but certainly there is someone watching over u ; someone unknown...
now im feeling my life is picking up and i hope, i truly hope nothing is gonna hinder wat im planning to do... not the proper way though but the only way... nobody thinks about u, nobody gonna care wats gonna happen to u...
God makes wonderful things like human but He makes them too selfish, too self-centred, too protective over themselves... and this is wat leads to the day when GOD wanted to destroy something he loved so much with his own hands... perhaps he set another date, 21st MAy 2011 wasn't the best date for all of us to perish...
my friend ever ask me, " do u know why we got pairs of eyes, ears, hands, legs, even nostrils we got two but why is it we have only 1 heart? " my answer for this is " cos our own heart is purely kept for our ownself only, no one in the world matters to u more than u yourself... "
T E R R I B L E
well well well... everyone stays selfish. ok? so the date of judgement will come sooner... good men die young ; stay put there and stay evil...
" Time to go "

another H A I Z z z z ...

it has been so long... since i met another " turning point " of my life... ytd 4d 1st prize was 1505, and i did dreamt of my mum the very 1st time after my accident...
i really duno why i never buy this nos, i duno why recently my inspiration didn't help me much... i know after this time, i needa wait another long long time ; and i wonder if i could ever make it again... wat makes it worst, mum did ask me to buy for her past 4 years... but today i never buy, in the end she demanded 4k from me... i wasn't sad or troubled by this but im very angry with myself... everything has come so far, and i missed it once again.. GOD damn!! feelin very tired ; desperate... and once again i asked myself ; wat reason GOD has to put me through all this...
sadded~~~

d & f

" destiny lies in the hand of the beholder... "
in fact we all know it ; we dont hold destiny in our very own hands... why do people born with silver spoon in their mouth? and tell me, why do people slogged the whole life yet couldn't accomplish a simplest wish? and why do a young girl who loves to read yet was born with her eyes blind... some said everything is destined to be ; its all fated...

destiny ; fate ; wat is that?

i guess everyone in this world had tried to become someone u wanna be ; maybe someone influential, or maybe just someone simple...
a friend of mine once told me : if im arent someone simple, i had to be " somebody. "
but till this everyday i been trying, non stop trying, i dont even seems to get close to who i feel i was gonna be... does luck plays a part here then? or wasnt i not determined enough... but how many of us actually believe in fate? how many of us actually feels we got our own destiny to accomplish?!?
arent u surprised why fortune teller can read through us? well, i dun understand this either...

i feel i been through quite alot ; i tumbled but i got up ; i fell but i still climbed... i duno how many times all these have to be going around me... i always tell myself never to give up, but all this faith & determination all are going to waste, i guessed i couldn't accomplish my own destiny and sooner or later when " darkness " falls upon me once again, i REally reALLY have to let everything go... hereby sad to say, i've no one to even share all my unfulfilled wishes... im shag for this very moment, very tired, but not wanting to close my eyes. hope i wished i can change my DESTINY...

zZZz

i duno why.. but tonite i'm extremely " tired ... " izzit about how much i drink ; izzit how much i'm thinking over through the nite? sibei sian lo ; but when i hear my fren going " in " ; when i see my fren going through all those suffering... " next time " , i gonna be different ; i meant it... ask me how different ; i duno, wahahhaha ... i missed the days i've been through ; i hate those days i went through, but well ; i loved the gal i been loving...
hmmmm.... my head spinning now sia... *pain pain *
why izzit those who lived well dun treasure their life?? and why izzit i haf to live a tragical 1? destiny? fate?

Spoiler

its my ambition to be a CID officer... i mean it~~
its about time when u gonna climax,,, BUT knn... tulan sia, sooooo many times we been to berry, ni niam ma, 1st time tio police check... NB~~ sooooo many nites but why tonite ; its supposed to a celebration nite for AN... CB...
suddenly the music stop... and u could see the dices as clearly tat u never seen before during a clubbng nite... all lights on, Zzzzz... GG... and well, the limelight was on ben n gary i think... ben tried to " xia lan " with the officer.. hohoho... gary was next... wahhahaha.. oh come on... " BLACK DUN FIGHT AGAINST WHITE ; for that moment, maybe we should try turn grey...
=D chill leh, brothers!! indeed the nite was sucky... the routine check was at about 120hrs... ended like 230am; kinda too long for a small club... BOO BOO... hate mataS, knn... BUT im kinda glad, cos i saw kelvin ; my long secondary school mate, din really get to say hi to him... but our gestures do say so... im happy cos i know he is doing well... ultimately, CCB, boring nite...
eh eh, but i remembered, Tortise vomit mak mak, hahaha...

" its so nice to see old friends, even though we are not on the same side... "CHEERIOS

shitty CNY 2010

i went to bed early; i had got enough sleep ; but this very morning i woke up with extreme anger ; jin tulan ; kan pua tulan... cos there is no one to help me get my wheelie... and it seems like i have to beg for it... PCB.... well, if i beg, why not u get me a coffin, CCB...

this year it took only alittle while to let the CNY pass quickly ; cos i was sleeping throughout... not much of a gambling for me, just some mahjong sessions with my friends and aunty... and its like win abit nia for passing time... coughing season, to make it worst, flu came along... nb, suay ka buay si, straight on the eve of CNY... boo boo~~

this year holds something with real disappointment ; not planning to spell out and nothing particular i can feel happy about... getting paranoid about life... frankly speaking, i really dun wanna stay any longer in this world, its a waste of time... GOD, take me away... I MEAN IT!!

" u think u know but u duno... u think it is but it is not... "

" u thought u can but u can never... and i tell u, u can NEVER!~! "

2010

so long since i last log in, kinda forget my password, haha...
2010 liao... wats your new year resolution? din go out today, feeling kinda poor, damit.. so was actually counting down the last 10 secs wif ah ben on msn, hahah, i know its kinda lame!

i think i should really be saving up some $ liao ; do up the last things i wanna do... its a bad hunch, im feeling its the last year for me ; time to go...

山顶的风凉得像钻进我内心
沉默是我们最近唯一的话题
看曾经亲密的爱慢慢像友谊
爱是流星
一坠落就不停

我们尝试让彼此差异能隐形
遗憾的是回避不能解决问题
当我疲倦地凝望你憔悴表情
再不舍得
也该让你远离

握你的手坚持到最后一秒钟
哪怕爱要冰凉了
至少让回忆是暖的
了解比爱难多了
我们都尽力了
也许温柔是
停止挽留
是停止再挽留

握你的手像耳语轻声说保重
让眼睛就算湿了
不只是痛也有感动
以前每一次挥手
都为了再握手
但这一次是为了放手

(握你的手,光良)

not loving u anymore...

u think im lost ; drunk ? omg, i came home, feelin so hungry but thought " someone " gonna cook for me... wah heng la, i got chicken rice left, wahahahha.... ah ben mao leaw na ; & my own flesh & blood brother, have HIS some somebody to take care of ; i sibei disappointed la ; but i cant help it la, LAN LAN siao siao la, knn... i always feel zEnny arent dumb lo... well... ; how abt zEnny is clever?!!? wahahhahah... WAH, today damn fuckin seh, but i surely noe wat im doin ; and im surely noe wat im typing... burberry then to sabai sabai, omg... my cousin needa a GooD drink, so well ; im here, to be with him...ROARrrrr!!

ooi, HO SAY BO, happi scrooning la... haf fun ; good luck, wahahhaha.... .i.@_@.i...

omg

its never like this... i been sad ; i been framed... i never wanted this to happen ; but i knew " zenny the handicapped " has created this... im sad but i know ; its all my doings'... sry to the 1 i caused hurt; sorry to the 1 caused misunderstandings....

~~~~

its like a same old nite... went td, have fun, bat kut teh, then come back... but saw this friendly guy, duno driving wat convertible car in white, plate nos 5255; he said i got good friends... well, maybe he saw ben n wayne helping me up onto the cab; pretty nice guy for the first impression, but im not gay la, CB...~~ have a envious feel the whole nite i duno why ; when i see alex has new chick ; minjie's gf ; wayne's new car ; ben looking forward to his coming birthday... all wat i saw n feel with my own, i hold back my life & think hard for awhile... its like i dun have anything to look forward to anymore... i've been controlling my drinking, i dun wanna get drunk cos i wanna feel the difference; the reality & the so-called tipsy world... caught breathless sometimes; blood vessels been blocked; legs tied to the ground permanently... im tired i guess, very very tired, losing control of what i have in mind; losing grips of what i have in front of my eyes ; yes, totally shaken out by some undescribleable aura & i know i cant hold on much longer... i know it gonna happen; it will happen soon...
yawn~~ using my msn in offline mode ; i dun care for whatever reasons; stop tailgating; an E brake will crush everything, i mean it & guaranteed it...

dream

- a bad dream
- of her & her sis
- kiat n weimao
- moody, sad, tiring nite
- at a sandy playground
- a bicycle & a unstylist bag
- nokia hp 8250
- unknown person name " kaishao "
- almost 5am & i needa go
- jog to the bus-stop
- boarded an annoymous nos bus
- crazy driver
- sped all the way
- no traffic can hold him back
- someone asked why he need to speed
- rushin for time
- u dun need a tix or transitlink card to get on it
- a single trip with no return
- to a place we never been
- to a place we will never know
- he say it was dark & scary
- he say we are not gonna love it there
- he knew we are afraid
- but he never want to stop
- it was a journey to Hell
- Kira has arrived
- i soon be gone too~~

sabai2

OMFG~~ sabai sabai again..
forced to sabai again... well well.. nice ambience, nice songs, spacious enough for mi... and of cos nice chicks, haha... but yucks, Martell & Martell, sucky ; simply dun like brandy, boooo~~~ hiak hiak hiak, tonite unusual, cos kuku ray is drunk.. so dead ; puke n puke, lmao... at first we tot he lost his car key, but knn its with the valet, haha... all of them haf to take turns to look after him ; directing him where the plastic bag to puke... we took some time to really get him in the car... and while doing so, there was a fight juz opposite us... woo hooo, its sabai's trend; a fight to end the nite... then off we go to 226 market for breakfast, tonite's driver is benny, hohoho... kuku ray din want to follow, so we all locked him in his own car, =.=
" thx to kind benny for driving him all the way back to sembawang then took a cab back... "
*Looking Forward To The Next Drunk Cat*

09 coming...

another raining morning... was very drunk on that TD nite, tat i cant remember anything ; in short, its defined as LOST, laughing stock, hohoho... lets not say what exactly happened... get into the views of everyone there ; put in each others' shoe... well, maybe this time, might be the last time im gonna drink ; drinking kills!! it changes things, it make things complex, it threatens lives... & i feel what happened was all about me... " its x'mas eve today, but well i guess im gonna be alone in ReVo whereas everyone was going PowerHouse... hmmm, thinking of what to keep myself occupy cos i guess its gonna be a lonely nite without any game mates online... i guess there will be lots of time for me to think of my new resolution for year'09, planning for what i wanted to come true,well, at least to make it nearer...
hohoho~~ merry x'mas, everyone...

" you are bored, im 10 times more... "
" you are thinking, im thinking more & more... "
" maybe you are tired but i need you to know... my mind has never rested... "

" Yes, wat done cannot be undone... "
" But what it seems are not what its meant to be , what before your eyes might not be true... "
" you heard of what happened ; the fact might have just begin... "
" lets bygone be bygones? will u miss everything when its gone... "

another feelin

cooling weather on this special mid december morning... another shity feeling hits me... i duno how to put it but its like, gone were the times when i feel im gonna stand again... something just shattered my faith... perhaps some are right ; miracles dun happen... it has been some time since i drop another tear... *sigh* some undescribeable feeling i duno how to explain... its like im pulling down all the kins around me ; im just a burden...