2010

so long since i last log in, kinda forget my password, haha...
2010 liao... wats your new year resolution? din go out today, feeling kinda poor, damit.. so was actually counting down the last 10 secs wif ah ben on msn, hahah, i know its kinda lame!

i think i should really be saving up some $ liao ; do up the last things i wanna do... its a bad hunch, im feeling its the last year for me ; time to go...

山顶的风凉得像钻进我内心
沉默是我们最近唯一的话题
看曾经亲密的爱慢慢像友谊
爱是流星
一坠落就不停

我们尝试让彼此差异能隐形
遗憾的是回避不能解决问题
当我疲倦地凝望你憔悴表情
再不舍得
也该让你远离

握你的手坚持到最后一秒钟
哪怕爱要冰凉了
至少让回忆是暖的
了解比爱难多了
我们都尽力了
也许温柔是
停止挽留
是停止再挽留

握你的手像耳语轻声说保重
让眼睛就算湿了
不只是痛也有感动
以前每一次挥手
都为了再握手
但这一次是为了放手

(握你的手,光良)

not loving u anymore...

u think im lost ; drunk ? omg, i came home, feelin so hungry but thought " someone " gonna cook for me... wah heng la, i got chicken rice left, wahahahha.... ah ben mao leaw na ; & my own flesh & blood brother, have HIS some somebody to take care of ; i sibei disappointed la ; but i cant help it la, LAN LAN siao siao la, knn... i always feel zEnny arent dumb lo... well... ; how abt zEnny is clever?!!? wahahhahah... WAH, today damn fuckin seh, but i surely noe wat im doin ; and im surely noe wat im typing... burberry then to sabai sabai, omg... my cousin needa a GooD drink, so well ; im here, to be with him...ROARrrrr!!

ooi, HO SAY BO, happi scrooning la... haf fun ; good luck, wahahhaha.... .i.@_@.i...

omg

its never like this... i been sad ; i been framed... i never wanted this to happen ; but i knew " zenny the handicapped " has created this... im sad but i know ; its all my doings'... sry to the 1 i caused hurt; sorry to the 1 caused misunderstandings....

~~~~

its like a same old nite... went td, have fun, bat kut teh, then come back... but saw this friendly guy, duno driving wat convertible car in white, plate nos 5255; he said i got good friends... well, maybe he saw ben n wayne helping me up onto the cab; pretty nice guy for the first impression, but im not gay la, CB...~~ have a envious feel the whole nite i duno why ; when i see alex has new chick ; minjie's gf ; wayne's new car ; ben looking forward to his coming birthday... all wat i saw n feel with my own, i hold back my life & think hard for awhile... its like i dun have anything to look forward to anymore... i've been controlling my drinking, i dun wanna get drunk cos i wanna feel the difference; the reality & the so-called tipsy world... caught breathless sometimes; blood vessels been blocked; legs tied to the ground permanently... im tired i guess, very very tired, losing control of what i have in mind; losing grips of what i have in front of my eyes ; yes, totally shaken out by some undescribleable aura & i know i cant hold on much longer... i know it gonna happen; it will happen soon...
yawn~~ using my msn in offline mode ; i dun care for whatever reasons; stop tailgating; an E brake will crush everything, i mean it & guaranteed it...

dream

- a bad dream
- of her & her sis
- kiat n weimao
- moody, sad, tiring nite
- at a sandy playground
- a bicycle & a unstylist bag
- nokia hp 8250
- unknown person name " kaishao "
- almost 5am & i needa go
- jog to the bus-stop
- boarded an annoymous nos bus
- crazy driver
- sped all the way
- no traffic can hold him back
- someone asked why he need to speed
- rushin for time
- u dun need a tix or transitlink card to get on it
- a single trip with no return
- to a place we never been
- to a place we will never know
- he say it was dark & scary
- he say we are not gonna love it there
- he knew we are afraid
- but he never want to stop
- it was a journey to Hell
- Kira has arrived
- i soon be gone too~~

sabai2

OMFG~~ sabai sabai again..
forced to sabai again... well well.. nice ambience, nice songs, spacious enough for mi... and of cos nice chicks, haha... but yucks, Martell & Martell, sucky ; simply dun like brandy, boooo~~~ hiak hiak hiak, tonite unusual, cos kuku ray is drunk.. so dead ; puke n puke, lmao... at first we tot he lost his car key, but knn its with the valet, haha... all of them haf to take turns to look after him ; directing him where the plastic bag to puke... we took some time to really get him in the car... and while doing so, there was a fight juz opposite us... woo hooo, its sabai's trend; a fight to end the nite... then off we go to 226 market for breakfast, tonite's driver is benny, hohoho... kuku ray din want to follow, so we all locked him in his own car, =.=
" thx to kind benny for driving him all the way back to sembawang then took a cab back... "
*Looking Forward To The Next Drunk Cat*

09 coming...

another raining morning... was very drunk on that TD nite, tat i cant remember anything ; in short, its defined as LOST, laughing stock, hohoho... lets not say what exactly happened... get into the views of everyone there ; put in each others' shoe... well, maybe this time, might be the last time im gonna drink ; drinking kills!! it changes things, it make things complex, it threatens lives... & i feel what happened was all about me... " its x'mas eve today, but well i guess im gonna be alone in ReVo whereas everyone was going PowerHouse... hmmm, thinking of what to keep myself occupy cos i guess its gonna be a lonely nite without any game mates online... i guess there will be lots of time for me to think of my new resolution for year'09, planning for what i wanted to come true,well, at least to make it nearer...
hohoho~~ merry x'mas, everyone...

" you are bored, im 10 times more... "
" you are thinking, im thinking more & more... "
" maybe you are tired but i need you to know... my mind has never rested... "

" Yes, wat done cannot be undone... "
" But what it seems are not what its meant to be , what before your eyes might not be true... "
" you heard of what happened ; the fact might have just begin... "
" lets bygone be bygones? will u miss everything when its gone... "

another feelin

cooling weather on this special mid december morning... another shity feeling hits me... i duno how to put it but its like, gone were the times when i feel im gonna stand again... something just shattered my faith... perhaps some are right ; miracles dun happen... it has been some time since i drop another tear... *sigh* some undescribeable feeling i duno how to explain... its like im pulling down all the kins around me ; im just a burden...

Tears

You spoke to me as one who know my pain. I hasn't forgotten. I am not sad. I will live because you've told me to.

Since you've told me not to die. I will live, and as i live, i will remember. But hearing your name whispered in the tarvans, tears stream down my face.

Even in my last moments, i will never be able to say the words...

How will you ever know

I love you.
Even though we cannot share the love.
I still love you.

once again

4th time... knn, i fell again~~ ccb!~!~!
not seh, not tired, nothing, i fell... zzzz!!
was an usual td nite, came back, eaten & try to transfer myself to bed... before i yet to do a full transfer, LIM KAH CHUAN, u knn shifted away my BMW when my ass was half in the air... & pop pop, knn i was on the ground~~ startled in the darkness, then i feel so tired outta sudden, cb... this very moment i know i couldnt get up.. liao liao~~ vividly i remember it was only 6am, zzz... i think i only got the energy to sit there & rest, boo boo!!~~ & well well, within 10 mins, this ass has fallen asleep, knn~~ YES, sleep so soundly ; imagine the soundly mouth ; abit tutu type, knn, snoring some more, zzz lo, & treated me a LOUD fart, pcb... BWG (Bo Wei Gong) anyway its till 2pm that i managed to throw myself up onto bed again.. *hush hush*
at least for now i feel gals are something ; they are pigs ; they like to sleep...
looking forward to the 5th time ; i wonder where it will be...

sorry

good times are gone & now it has been a struggle for me ; for a long time... was like everyday, things kept happening & happening ; totally losing control in whatever im trying to do... cant find my objective in life ; not even in games... has become the unusal me... is everything meant to be an end? am i supposed to keep trying? i know & i finally realised that everyone around me is striving real hard but im just degrading my life further... constantly asking myself wat am i asking for after so much had happened... nothing seems to be going well over the months... for i may look calm but wat had happened to me, it seems like im dragging everyone around me down... i need to apologise for all these shyt i got them into... im so tired, so shag but cant get a wink ; minds totally cannot shut down... eyes with tears but u wont see them ; heart full of sadness but u wont feel it ; smiles are broad but arent genuine... living in a total darkness...

Forever

getting sick of hearing anyone telling u, " i will love you forever... " well, well, wats the exact definations of it? does holding tight to my hand when i needed u badly means forever? or no matter which land we would be, the unchanged love means forever? & when Rose released her shivering hand off Jack after the Titanic sank, did she mean forever? so how much did u all know about this 7 letters word F O R E V E R? & if there is true meanings & doings in this word, why are there unfaithfulness, betrayals?




To Be Continued...

coughhh >>> death

many people have told me that they don't think they could "stand to live" if they needed a wheelchair like me...
in my early twenties, sharing experiences with disabled friends, i finally learned how to recognize & constructively resist discrimination. the connection and insights we shared gave me a new lens through which to view my life. most importantly, i learned to look more clearly at the ways i had internalized the stigma & shame of disability, & began the lifelong struggle to undo the damage done by growing up in isolation from a true sense of community and mutual respect...
but today i have a different mindset ; i cant sleep ; coughing terribly bad for 3 weeks already ; with flu & a left side lung pain... wats more a toothache... its like a total disability of the use of my left upper limbs ; sharp pain every moment i cough, damn sucky... it affected my sleep, whenever i start to lie down, i cough non-stop... have taken all the medicine, applied all the ointment, no effect at all... & guess sitting down was the only way to cough lesser...
all these sucky thingy did not stop me on a TD nite though, with dajie & grace, i'm happy to see u people again... i recalled the times we used to club at devils, those drunkard days... was like back to the same old days ; fun & memorable... 2 years+ have passed, things was like yesterday... i missed those unforgettable DAYS...
i think i'm dying soon ; deathgod is on the way... u all like kali kuey? be on the dot then... see ya next life all my beloved frenz...

U

i think u are terrific ; definitely a trustworthy & responsible frenz for anyone to rely on... a shoulder for anyone who needs it to lay on ; a good listener, a good advisor... u are charming in your own speciaL ways, u looks like a superstar sometimes, well... some people says u are cute... u are most handsome looking when u starts to get serious... delicated smile & attractive stares, u look great ; almost to perfection... u are smart ; i can say smarter than anyone ; clever, intelligent... u are full of loves, lovely, Lovable by all... SuAvY, cool, u are definately an ATTRACTION... u are really kind... u cares, u shares, u are a great motivation in life...
did i miss out any colours?

hey its u, zEnny , its U im talking about...

mao

hello~~ its me again... coughin like mad, but never take me much time to blog this... hohoho, how nice it was to be blogging at a tipsy mode... wah damn, i drink quite abit but i duno y im pretty sober... got 1 cb kia, cant drink ; puke near n then pour drinks over my bermuda... abit ZZzzz, rite? knn, sibei tulan... was fun tonite, not thinkin abt any shyt ; hapi mak mak, hohoho... eh, kuku gary, ann, teo, cp, jeff, thx for the nite, haha, i bet u guys din feel too gd also, wakakkaka.... ok, i go rest liao, tml i need to do 4d.. gdnite, muacks mak mak, CB ann, u knn, joob mi many many times, knn, there will be a pay back time... " Fun Dee... "