omg

its never like this... i been sad ; i been framed... i never wanted this to happen ; but i knew " zenny the handicapped " has created this... im sad but i know ; its all my doings'... sry to the 1 i caused hurt; sorry to the 1 caused misunderstandings....

~~~~

its like a same old nite... went td, have fun, bat kut teh, then come back... but saw this friendly guy, duno driving wat convertible car in white, plate nos 5255; he said i got good friends... well, maybe he saw ben n wayne helping me up onto the cab; pretty nice guy for the first impression, but im not gay la, CB...~~ have a envious feel the whole nite i duno why ; when i see alex has new chick ; minjie's gf ; wayne's new car ; ben looking forward to his coming birthday... all wat i saw n feel with my own, i hold back my life & think hard for awhile... its like i dun have anything to look forward to anymore... i've been controlling my drinking, i dun wanna get drunk cos i wanna feel the difference; the reality & the so-called tipsy world... caught breathless sometimes; blood vessels been blocked; legs tied to the ground permanently... im tired i guess, very very tired, losing control of what i have in mind; losing grips of what i have in front of my eyes ; yes, totally shaken out by some undescribleable aura & i know i cant hold on much longer... i know it gonna happen; it will happen soon...
yawn~~ using my msn in offline mode ; i dun care for whatever reasons; stop tailgating; an E brake will crush everything, i mean it & guaranteed it...

dream

- a bad dream
- of her & her sis
- kiat n weimao
- moody, sad, tiring nite
- at a sandy playground
- a bicycle & a unstylist bag
- nokia hp 8250
- unknown person name " kaishao "
- almost 5am & i needa go
- jog to the bus-stop
- boarded an annoymous nos bus
- crazy driver
- sped all the way
- no traffic can hold him back
- someone asked why he need to speed
- rushin for time
- u dun need a tix or transitlink card to get on it
- a single trip with no return
- to a place we never been
- to a place we will never know
- he say it was dark & scary
- he say we are not gonna love it there
- he knew we are afraid
- but he never want to stop
- it was a journey to Hell
- Kira has arrived
- i soon be gone too~~

sabai2

OMFG~~ sabai sabai again..
forced to sabai again... well well.. nice ambience, nice songs, spacious enough for mi... and of cos nice chicks, haha... but yucks, Martell & Martell, sucky ; simply dun like brandy, boooo~~~ hiak hiak hiak, tonite unusual, cos kuku ray is drunk.. so dead ; puke n puke, lmao... at first we tot he lost his car key, but knn its with the valet, haha... all of them haf to take turns to look after him ; directing him where the plastic bag to puke... we took some time to really get him in the car... and while doing so, there was a fight juz opposite us... woo hooo, its sabai's trend; a fight to end the nite... then off we go to 226 market for breakfast, tonite's driver is benny, hohoho... kuku ray din want to follow, so we all locked him in his own car, =.=
" thx to kind benny for driving him all the way back to sembawang then took a cab back... "
*Looking Forward To The Next Drunk Cat*

09 coming...

another raining morning... was very drunk on that TD nite, tat i cant remember anything ; in short, its defined as LOST, laughing stock, hohoho... lets not say what exactly happened... get into the views of everyone there ; put in each others' shoe... well, maybe this time, might be the last time im gonna drink ; drinking kills!! it changes things, it make things complex, it threatens lives... & i feel what happened was all about me... " its x'mas eve today, but well i guess im gonna be alone in ReVo whereas everyone was going PowerHouse... hmmm, thinking of what to keep myself occupy cos i guess its gonna be a lonely nite without any game mates online... i guess there will be lots of time for me to think of my new resolution for year'09, planning for what i wanted to come true,well, at least to make it nearer...
hohoho~~ merry x'mas, everyone...

" you are bored, im 10 times more... "
" you are thinking, im thinking more & more... "
" maybe you are tired but i need you to know... my mind has never rested... "

" Yes, wat done cannot be undone... "
" But what it seems are not what its meant to be , what before your eyes might not be true... "
" you heard of what happened ; the fact might have just begin... "
" lets bygone be bygones? will u miss everything when its gone... "

another feelin

cooling weather on this special mid december morning... another shity feeling hits me... i duno how to put it but its like, gone were the times when i feel im gonna stand again... something just shattered my faith... perhaps some are right ; miracles dun happen... it has been some time since i drop another tear... *sigh* some undescribeable feeling i duno how to explain... its like im pulling down all the kins around me ; im just a burden...

Tears

You spoke to me as one who know my pain. I hasn't forgotten. I am not sad. I will live because you've told me to.

Since you've told me not to die. I will live, and as i live, i will remember. But hearing your name whispered in the tarvans, tears stream down my face.

Even in my last moments, i will never be able to say the words...

How will you ever know

I love you.
Even though we cannot share the love.
I still love you.

once again

4th time... knn, i fell again~~ ccb!~!~!
not seh, not tired, nothing, i fell... zzzz!!
was an usual td nite, came back, eaten & try to transfer myself to bed... before i yet to do a full transfer, LIM KAH CHUAN, u knn shifted away my BMW when my ass was half in the air... & pop pop, knn i was on the ground~~ startled in the darkness, then i feel so tired outta sudden, cb... this very moment i know i couldnt get up.. liao liao~~ vividly i remember it was only 6am, zzz... i think i only got the energy to sit there & rest, boo boo!!~~ & well well, within 10 mins, this ass has fallen asleep, knn~~ YES, sleep so soundly ; imagine the soundly mouth ; abit tutu type, knn, snoring some more, zzz lo, & treated me a LOUD fart, pcb... BWG (Bo Wei Gong) anyway its till 2pm that i managed to throw myself up onto bed again.. *hush hush*
at least for now i feel gals are something ; they are pigs ; they like to sleep...
looking forward to the 5th time ; i wonder where it will be...

sorry

good times are gone & now it has been a struggle for me ; for a long time... was like everyday, things kept happening & happening ; totally losing control in whatever im trying to do... cant find my objective in life ; not even in games... has become the unusal me... is everything meant to be an end? am i supposed to keep trying? i know & i finally realised that everyone around me is striving real hard but im just degrading my life further... constantly asking myself wat am i asking for after so much had happened... nothing seems to be going well over the months... for i may look calm but wat had happened to me, it seems like im dragging everyone around me down... i need to apologise for all these shyt i got them into... im so tired, so shag but cant get a wink ; minds totally cannot shut down... eyes with tears but u wont see them ; heart full of sadness but u wont feel it ; smiles are broad but arent genuine... living in a total darkness...

Forever

getting sick of hearing anyone telling u, " i will love you forever... " well, well, wats the exact definations of it? does holding tight to my hand when i needed u badly means forever? or no matter which land we would be, the unchanged love means forever? & when Rose released her shivering hand off Jack after the Titanic sank, did she mean forever? so how much did u all know about this 7 letters word F O R E V E R? & if there is true meanings & doings in this word, why are there unfaithfulness, betrayals?




To Be Continued...

coughhh >>> death

many people have told me that they don't think they could "stand to live" if they needed a wheelchair like me...
in my early twenties, sharing experiences with disabled friends, i finally learned how to recognize & constructively resist discrimination. the connection and insights we shared gave me a new lens through which to view my life. most importantly, i learned to look more clearly at the ways i had internalized the stigma & shame of disability, & began the lifelong struggle to undo the damage done by growing up in isolation from a true sense of community and mutual respect...
but today i have a different mindset ; i cant sleep ; coughing terribly bad for 3 weeks already ; with flu & a left side lung pain... wats more a toothache... its like a total disability of the use of my left upper limbs ; sharp pain every moment i cough, damn sucky... it affected my sleep, whenever i start to lie down, i cough non-stop... have taken all the medicine, applied all the ointment, no effect at all... & guess sitting down was the only way to cough lesser...
all these sucky thingy did not stop me on a TD nite though, with dajie & grace, i'm happy to see u people again... i recalled the times we used to club at devils, those drunkard days... was like back to the same old days ; fun & memorable... 2 years+ have passed, things was like yesterday... i missed those unforgettable DAYS...
i think i'm dying soon ; deathgod is on the way... u all like kali kuey? be on the dot then... see ya next life all my beloved frenz...

U

i think u are terrific ; definitely a trustworthy & responsible frenz for anyone to rely on... a shoulder for anyone who needs it to lay on ; a good listener, a good advisor... u are charming in your own speciaL ways, u looks like a superstar sometimes, well... some people says u are cute... u are most handsome looking when u starts to get serious... delicated smile & attractive stares, u look great ; almost to perfection... u are smart ; i can say smarter than anyone ; clever, intelligent... u are full of loves, lovely, Lovable by all... SuAvY, cool, u are definately an ATTRACTION... u are really kind... u cares, u shares, u are a great motivation in life...
did i miss out any colours?

hey its u, zEnny , its U im talking about...

mao

hello~~ its me again... coughin like mad, but never take me much time to blog this... hohoho, how nice it was to be blogging at a tipsy mode... wah damn, i drink quite abit but i duno y im pretty sober... got 1 cb kia, cant drink ; puke near n then pour drinks over my bermuda... abit ZZzzz, rite? knn, sibei tulan... was fun tonite, not thinkin abt any shyt ; hapi mak mak, hohoho... eh, kuku gary, ann, teo, cp, jeff, thx for the nite, haha, i bet u guys din feel too gd also, wakakkaka.... ok, i go rest liao, tml i need to do 4d.. gdnite, muacks mak mak, CB ann, u knn, joob mi many many times, knn, there will be a pay back time... " Fun Dee... "

" 是我 "

" 是我， 你还好吗? "


我试了，但做不到，我用尽所有的时间 ； 用工作来困顿自己，用香烟来迷幻自己，用酒精来麻
醉自己， 甚至用死亡来威胁自己。。。我用尽办法， 可你依然死死地刻在我心里， 让我再爱你吧。。。

(但我知道你有爱人了)




还记得我们初次见面的地方吗? 我们是曾经彼此相爱， 那是段快乐充满回忆的日子。可爱情是这世界上最坚贞也最不可靠的东西。时间过了， 爱情淡了， 相爱的人也就散了。若是缘尽也硬要牵扯，原本的美好，就会便成结束， 属于变成个你我都困在其中的牢笼， 会无法呼吸， 你舍得看到我不自由吗?



( 其实我明白。。。" 那你自己保重 ； 生病时记得吃药 ； 记得多吃一点，你就是太瘦， 其他的没什么，就是放心不下你的身体。他欺负你记得告诉我。" )

最后， 能让我在吻你一下吗? 爱恨消失前， 用手温暖你的脸， 为了证明我真心爱过你

我要走了，我自己也不知道， 去一个我自己也很陌生的地方。" 记得有人说， 通往心脏的血脉是无命名指上， 我多想在今生， 尽所有， 牢牢地住你的无明指。" 你是个好人， 是个好恋人，是个好女人， 可奈何， 造物弄人， 离开你， 我真的不知道， 是幸福的开始还是终结， 也许你太在意自己的感觉了吧。

真的对不起， 有些事我已经做了， 但不会后悔， 有些承诺， 也只能用下辈子来履行了。 今生，天注定， 我爱的很苦， 但愿来世，我会是个洒脱的诗人。
" 答应我，下辈子别改名字， 那样，我找你容易些。 "

我感觉自己变得很轻，离开了地面， 飘荡在空中， 我飞到她的窗前， 她在， 她竟然在冲着我笑， 她的笑脸依然灿烂美丽， 我挥手， 但她全无感觉。
我踏上奈何桥，手握着那碗孟婆汤， 在就要忘记前世的前时， 我默默的说 : " 好好的活， 在这个空间， 我， 会为你祝福。。。 "

梦会醒， 情会灭
原来时间真的会消磨两个人的激情!
为什么你选择要放手?
为什么你选择离开?
不是说要一辈子在一起的吗?
难道我真得不值得你再为我守候了吗?

g a l s

commonly said, gals are like clothes ; change them daily... but i got some very interesting phrases though ;
gals are like tibits ; when u feel like eating, u take them out ; when u dun, keep them in a container...
gals are like money ; spend them when u have it ; save as much as u can...
gals are like tissues ; make full use of it ; wipe n throw...
gals are like vending machine ; insert money and they are yours...
gals are like working tools ; make use them at the right time, & expend if u haf to...
gals are like public buses ; anyone can wave to get in ; alight anytime...
gals are like stars in the sky ; everyone looks the same ; no one is special...
gals are like cigarettes, smelly but addictive...
gals are like disposable underwears ; change them when they turned sour...
gals are like chewing gums ; spit them away when the sweetness is gone...
gals are like toys ; fun to play with...
gals are like soccer balls ; kick around with your friends...
gals are like bak kut teh ; chew the meat & throw the bone...
gals are like dustbins ; all are the same...
gals are like village bicycles ; anyone feel free to ride...
well... to me, gals are never anything anymore...