another H A I Z z z z ...

it has been so long... since i met another " turning point " of my life... ytd 4d 1st prize was 1505, and i did dreamt of my mum the very 1st time after my accident...
i really duno why i never buy this nos, i duno why recently my inspiration didn't help me much... i know after this time, i needa wait another long long time ; and i wonder if i could ever make it again... wat makes it worst, mum did ask me to buy for her past 4 years... but today i never buy, in the end she demanded 4k from me... i wasn't sad or troubled by this but im very angry with myself... everything has come so far, and i missed it once again.. GOD damn!! feelin very tired ; desperate... and once again i asked myself ; wat reason GOD has to put me through all this...
sadded~~~

d & f

" destiny lies in the hand of the beholder... "
in fact we all know it ; we dont hold destiny in our very own hands... why do people born with silver spoon in their mouth? and tell me, why do people slogged the whole life yet couldn't accomplish a simplest wish? and why do a young girl who loves to read yet was born with her eyes blind... some said everything is destined to be ; its all fated...

destiny ; fate ; wat is that?

i guess everyone in this world had tried to become someone u wanna be ; maybe someone influential, or maybe just someone simple...
a friend of mine once told me : if im arent someone simple, i had to be " somebody. "
but till this everyday i been trying, non stop trying, i dont even seems to get close to who i feel i was gonna be... does luck plays a part here then? or wasnt i not determined enough... but how many of us actually believe in fate? how many of us actually feels we got our own destiny to accomplish?!?
arent u surprised why fortune teller can read through us? well, i dun understand this either...

i feel i been through quite alot ; i tumbled but i got up ; i fell but i still climbed... i duno how many times all these have to be going around me... i always tell myself never to give up, but all this faith & determination all are going to waste, i guessed i couldn't accomplish my own destiny and sooner or later when " darkness " falls upon me once again, i REally reALLY have to let everything go... hereby sad to say, i've no one to even share all my unfulfilled wishes... im shag for this very moment, very tired, but not wanting to close my eyes. hope i wished i can change my DESTINY...

zZZz

i duno why.. but tonite i'm extremely " tired ... " izzit about how much i drink ; izzit how much i'm thinking over through the nite? sibei sian lo ; but when i hear my fren going " in " ; when i see my fren going through all those suffering... " next time " , i gonna be different ; i meant it... ask me how different ; i duno, wahahhaha ... i missed the days i've been through ; i hate those days i went through, but well ; i loved the gal i been loving...
hmmmm.... my head spinning now sia... *pain pain *
why izzit those who lived well dun treasure their life?? and why izzit i haf to live a tragical 1? destiny? fate?

Spoiler

its my ambition to be a CID officer... i mean it~~
its about time when u gonna climax,,, BUT knn... tulan sia, sooooo many times we been to berry, ni niam ma, 1st time tio police check... NB~~ sooooo many nites but why tonite ; its supposed to a celebration nite for AN... CB...
suddenly the music stop... and u could see the dices as clearly tat u never seen before during a clubbng nite... all lights on, Zzzzz... GG... and well, the limelight was on ben n gary i think... ben tried to " xia lan " with the officer.. hohoho... gary was next... wahhahaha.. oh come on... " BLACK DUN FIGHT AGAINST WHITE ; for that moment, maybe we should try turn grey...
=D chill leh, brothers!! indeed the nite was sucky... the routine check was at about 120hrs... ended like 230am; kinda too long for a small club... BOO BOO... hate mataS, knn... BUT im kinda glad, cos i saw kelvin ; my long secondary school mate, din really get to say hi to him... but our gestures do say so... im happy cos i know he is doing well... ultimately, CCB, boring nite...
eh eh, but i remembered, Tortise vomit mak mak, hahaha...

" its so nice to see old friends, even though we are not on the same side... "CHEERIOS

shitty CNY 2010

i went to bed early; i had got enough sleep ; but this very morning i woke up with extreme anger ; jin tulan ; kan pua tulan... cos there is no one to help me get my wheelie... and it seems like i have to beg for it... PCB.... well, if i beg, why not u get me a coffin, CCB...

this year it took only alittle while to let the CNY pass quickly ; cos i was sleeping throughout... not much of a gambling for me, just some mahjong sessions with my friends and aunty... and its like win abit nia for passing time... coughing season, to make it worst, flu came along... nb, suay ka buay si, straight on the eve of CNY... boo boo~~

this year holds something with real disappointment ; not planning to spell out and nothing particular i can feel happy about... getting paranoid about life... frankly speaking, i really dun wanna stay any longer in this world, its a waste of time... GOD, take me away... I MEAN IT!!

" u think u know but u duno... u think it is but it is not... "

" u thought u can but u can never... and i tell u, u can NEVER!~! "

2010

so long since i last log in, kinda forget my password, haha...
2010 liao... wats your new year resolution? din go out today, feeling kinda poor, damit.. so was actually counting down the last 10 secs wif ah ben on msn, hahah, i know its kinda lame!

i think i should really be saving up some $ liao ; do up the last things i wanna do... its a bad hunch, im feeling its the last year for me ; time to go...

山顶的风凉得像钻进我内心
沉默是我们最近唯一的话题
看曾经亲密的爱慢慢像友谊
爱是流星
一坠落就不停

我们尝试让彼此差异能隐形
遗憾的是回避不能解决问题
当我疲倦地凝望你憔悴表情
再不舍得
也该让你远离

握你的手坚持到最后一秒钟
哪怕爱要冰凉了
至少让回忆是暖的
了解比爱难多了
我们都尽力了
也许温柔是
停止挽留
是停止再挽留

握你的手像耳语轻声说保重
让眼睛就算湿了
不只是痛也有感动
以前每一次挥手
都为了再握手
但这一次是为了放手

(握你的手,光良)